The issue of why young men get married for the wrong reasons dawned on me while I was having a chat with my cousin a few weeks back. He was behind the wheels and while we were held up in traffic, he felt he had to unburden his mind to his pal and cousin.
He was very bothered his friend Wale was getting married soon. And apparently, Wale was bragging about it. Bibi, that my cousin’s name, felt he was been left behind in the race of life.
To rectify the situation, Bibi felt he had to get married ASAP. At most, before the end of the year.
I took a few deep breathes to calm myself down before saying something because I was very mad. Long story short, I talked him out of the idea of getting married because of a spurious standard set by a single peer.
For starters, my cousin is barely 30 years old, doing his Masters degree. With no stable job and no long term girlfriend.
However, money won’t be an object to a wedding because he is from a rich family.
The fact money or finance is not a problem is no reason for young men to rush into marriage. That is one of the most obvious variables why young men get married. They think once they have a good job, marriage is the next big thing. It is not.
These are the most common wrong reasons young men get married:
It is a bad state of affair that the life of a young man is inundated with so many erotic things from all angles. Look around you: music videos, movies, adverts, magazine covers and even the sexy way women dress; these only fire up the imagination of young men.
Next thing you know, young man wants to get married so he can get it regularly from his wife.
That is a wrong reason to get married. Ask married men. They don’t get to be intimate with their wives as much as you might think. As a matter of fact, if your libido is on the high side, staying single is your best bet if you want to satisfy those raging hormones on a regular basis.
Like my cousin Bibi thought, young men think getting married would confer a certain respect on them. I don’t know about that.
A riff-raff won’t suddenly become a respected member of the community because he got himself hitched to an unfortunate girl.
Work hard, do the right things in the society and respect would come naturally. Respect is earned, not bought by getting married.
This is one of the wrong reasons young men get married that is so misguided.
I can understand if some young man is complaining he is constantly been overlooked for promotion. But to say the reason is because he is not married is spurious.
If you are working in a challenging job, as a young man you don’t need the problems of marriage to distract you from putting in your best at work.
At a certain age, a wife can help propel your career. But nobody cares about your marital status at the work place if you are young. Truth is, when you are young is the time to really work hard and make a good impression on management with the hours you put in.
Scared of losing the girl
This too is a very common reason young men get married. I don’t get it when men fail to understand no girl is made specifically for them. If you lose a girl, you’d definitely get another.
Perhaps, with hindsight, you’d understand that the girl leaving you could be the best thing to ever happen to you. I promise you, the experience of a failed relationship can only help you going forward.
Young and strong
I keep hearing this from young men about how they want to get married when they are young and strong so they can face the challenges of raising kids.
I have bad news for people with this mindset. The emotional problems in marriage would drain you of that youthful vigor if you are not emotional ready to get married.
And once you are emotionally drained, you become physically tired to face simple life tasks. Hello depression.
Want to get married once and for all
You know how it is. Getting married is such a big thing you want to do it once and for all so you can forget about it for the rest of your life.
How do you begin to explain to people there is no “once and for all” in marriage? That is why some couples sometimes celebrate wedding anniversaries by reaffirming their wedding vows.
It is because they know being married is a non-stop ride at trying to make it work and be happy. It is never always rosy.
What if you have to divorce her for one reason or the other? Would you do the ‘once and for all again?’
Young men should never get carried away by the glitz and glamour of marriage. There is more to it than just deciding you want to start living permanently with the beautiful, lovely girl that happens to be the center of you love life at the moment.