Once upon a time, abstinence until duly wedded was common. But I bet it would be hard to find couples who see any benefits of abstinence these days. Matter of fact, some couples even make a duty to tie the knot only when they are pregnant.
How did it come to this? I am sure it would be hard to young unmarried men and women who are ready to listen to even think of abstaining. It used to be a thing of pride for both couples, families, and friends that the girl got married as a virgin.
I won’t raise my hand and claim to be a shining light of waiting until after marriage before consummating the relationship. However, I do respect men and women who are able to do it.
But there is this thought at the back of my mind about how abstinence is just a thankless thing to do. There are no prizes or medals for being celibate. There must be something about the whole thing to make some couples, especially ladies, insist on it.
Most times though, they do it for religious and perhaps cultural reasons. But apart from the religious and cultural motivations, can there be any more benefits of abstinence?
Thinking about the issue though, it is clear there are some inherent benefits of abstinence to the couple. Here are some of them.
One of the benefits of abstinence is the fact there would be more self-respect especially if the couple are in sync both emotionally and ideologically.
Knowing that you are able to withstand the temptation would improve your self-worth. You would know you have the willpower to make difficult resolutions and see them through.
This would surely stand you in good stead when you become a parent and have to discipline your kids. And that is going to happen a lot.
More respect for each other.
A decision like that would only be a good thing in how the couple views each other. There would be that recognition that they have chosen wisely.
That they had chosen a partner who is ready to go against the grain no matter whose foot is stepped on. That is, as long they believe what they are doing is right.
Intimacy is not the reason for the affair
Most ladies worry that men go after them to have a regular bed partner. The idea is so pervasive some relationships are thrown to the dogs because of it.
Abstinence from one or both couple would show that the relationship is not based on what happens in the privacy of the bedroom. For the ladies, this is important as they know the man values them for what they are.
Or to put it another way, the man places a lot more value on enduring traits like good character, intelligence, eloquence, etc. These are traits that don’t fade with age unlike things like physical beauty that, invariably, is a precursor to lust.
Greater trust in marriage
This should be one of the biggest benefits of abstinence. Knowing that your partner is able to abstain means you can trust them not to cheat on you when you finally get married.
You have proof that your partner is able to control their raging hormones. It puts you in a position where you would never have to listen to idle gossip about your lover playing around with somebody on the sly.
Abstinence before marriage, therefore, is a good foundation for a strong, trusting relationship going forward.
Time to explore other aspects of the relationship
Abstinence would really challenge the couple’s creativity. Since a roll in the hay is out of the question, you guys would have to find other means of excitement.
The result is that both of you would learn how to pay attention to all facets of each other’s personality. You would learn to know how to please them in other ways.
By the time you get married, you know almost all the right buttons to press to make your partner happy.
There is not much to say about that. Unwanted pregnancy is one of the banes of modern society. Two people so much in love think every day is rosy until the girl becomes pregnants.
Then it dawns on them that life is not so clear cut. Perhaps, they are not ready to get married. Or maybe the love was not real in the first place. A pregnancy can really bring you down to earth.
Now you have to start thinking of all the issues surrounding pregnancy like abortion and where to do it safely. So abstinence would completely remove that worry from your relationship.
The issue here is specifically STIs and the attendant complications. If you’ve never suffered from these or have never met somebody with the problem, you would never appreciate the seriousness of the problem.
Trust me, it is something you don’t want in your young life. The best way to prevent them is just to abstain.
Psychological benefits of abstinence before marriage
Other benefits of abstinence are in the psychological aspect. People who abstained said it made the intimate moments better when they finally did it and they got so much joy knowing they kept a promise to each other.
Finally, there is the belief that people who have had numerous partners in the past are normally wracked with guilt in future. That could be true. Anyway, the point is, abstinence would prevent your past life from messing up with your conscience.
So, do you think the benefits of abstinence are compelling enough to do it? But it is not going to be easy if you decide to follow that path. And the decision must be taken together with your partner.