The only reason I still haven’t watched the ‘Friends with Benefits‘ movie is that niggling feeling I already know what the story is all about. Even the title is a dead giveaway.
If you take a guy like Justin Timberlake, who gets all the girls dewy-eyed with his outrageous good looks, and pair him up in a movie with a drop dead beauty like Mila Kunis, you figure real quick where the story is headed. Especially if the title of the movie is that obvious.
The movie is somewhere in my hardrive. I know I might watch it someday. But not just know.
On the outside, people into friends with benefits relationships seem to be enjoying the best of several worlds without the responsibilities and stress that come with relationships.
That is far from the truth. This kind of relationship is as complicated as they come. First of all, you have to scale over the hurdle of actually transiting from friends without benefits to getting those benefits. And that is not easy I tell you.
Then comes the part where you have to be very vigilant not to cross some unwritten rules about the relationship.
Those rules are what we are going to outline today. Thinking of going into a friends with benefits relationship? Then you better pay attention.
1. Distance is important
We are not talking about any long distance relationships here. The issue here is you don’t want to go into this with the girl or guy next door. Or even the co-worker in the office or colleague at school.
It is important that the distance between you two is substantial enough to spare you the stress of knowing how your buddy spend their time when they are not in bed with you.
That distance would help you get a good grip on your personal life. But I know people who do it successfully with a partner who lives just across the street from them. Those are the rare ones.
2. Keep reminding yourself this is a friends with benefits thing
This is so important or somebody is going to get confused faster than fist disappears when the hand opens.
When your friend is regularly reminding you the whole affair can’t be more serious than what is going on, it is foolhardy to entertain thoughts of wanting to make things exclusive.
Break it up if you think you can’t withstand the stress of just being friends with benefits only. That is your best bet.
3. Don’t rush to break up when you meet someone new
The thing about friends with benefits is this: when you take out the sex, they are simply your friends. More often than we care to admit, they can be loyal friends too.
Rushing to break up with them because you found someone new is not a wise step. The operative word is ‘rush.’ Take time to make sure the new person in your life is for real.
If in time you found out they are the real deal, then you can call you friend and tell them about the new situation.
On the other hand, if the new person is as fake as an iPhone that cost less than $100, you still have you friend to fall back on.
4. Don’t involve friends and family
Friends and family would make you very uncomfortable with the relationship with too many questions.
For the ladies, it might even get so weird some of them would tag you promiscuous simply because you are hanging out with a guy that is not your boyfriend.
For the sake of your sanity, don’t let friends and family become very involved in the affair.
5. Don’t get mad if they are seeing someone else
This is where the friends with benefits thing gets very complicated.
That is why you have to keep reminding yourself about the nature of the affair no matter how you feel.
Sure, sometimes you can’t help being jealous when you see them with someone. But never ever get mad. Just go home and suck it up.
Since you chosed to live this life, you better learn there would be days when you have to play second fiddle to somebody.
6. This is mostly a bedroom relationship
No matter how great your friends with benefits buddy is, don’t be tempted into thinking dinner dates or movie dates or any sort of dates are good.
In fact, I’d advise you to be professional about the affair. Call up; book a meet; stay indoors throughout and do your thing; then go home.
Even sleep overs should not be encouraged. You don’t want the neighbours seeing you sneaking out the next morning.
7. Call it off anytime
It would be easy to say you have to be bold and just do it when it’s that time. Actually, it is never easy.
But a time would come when you’d have to break things off.
Maybe you found someone new who is so wonderful you can’t imagine life without them. Or for no tangible reason you can think of. Just know that in the final analysis, you don’t owe your friends with benefits buddy any obligation to stick it out.
The only obligation you owe them is to tell them you want to move on.
Enough said.
8. Keep it out of social media
Chances are you two met online on either Facebook or the other dozens social media around. Fair enough.
But that doesn’t mean you should start posting updates about what is going on or is about to go down between you two.
Check point 4. That also applies here. You don’t want people, friends (online), and family to start asking questions that you’d find hard to explain without looking stupid.
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