If some concerned friend were to give you an advice about why you should never try to get your ex back, would you heed that advice? Or would you tell them to mind their own business? I guess it all depends on the situation at that point in time: which varies according to the individual.
However, you should listen to what they have to say because they might know something you don’t know. Or they might be using the benefit of their own experiences. The point is, just listen. You might learn something that would do you a lot of good.
I have to admit though that most of the time, the advice you get is never worth your time. But, what you read here is based on the fact that most relationships have many things in common.
And most importantly, it is based on the sound psychology of human relations.
So, these are the reasons you should never try to get your ex back on a whim or impulsively.
Never try to get your ex back without knowing their current situation
Knowing what your ex is up to at any moment is basically a bad idea even at the best of times. There is a good reason you guys broke up in the first place. Basically, to keep your emotional state on an even keel, it is better not to track their activities. Ever.
However, if for some reason circumstances dictate you guys have to get back together, then it is prudent to know what your ex has being up to during your time apart.
The things you find out might be very hurtful. But it is better to know them before getting back and finding out too late about them. That way you can make an informed decision.
People change. For worse or for the better. So if your ex’s current situation does not meet your standards; or they did things, during your time apart, you can’t live with or forgive, knowing about them before getting back is very important.
Understand why you guys broke up
It should go without saying that you should never try to get your ex back until you come to terms with what led to the break. It would surprise you to know that many people bury their heads in the sand and pretend there are no unresolved issues. They would never face up to the reasons the relationship collapsed initially.
This is important. It would help you know where to make adjustments and avoid a repeat. On the other hand, if you feel changes can’t be made, then the best option is to never try to get back your ex. Obviously, it won’t work out.
So understanding yourself and the problems you had is crucial in rekindling your relationship with your ex.
Never try to get your ex back if the wounds are still fresh
It is sad but true that some people never recover from a breakup. It is even worse for those who keep on pining for their ex lovers for a very long time.
There are many things to be said for healing and moving on.
It is bad to go back to your ex if the wounds of the past are still fresh. At this point, you are very vulnerable and you actions cannot be trusted.
Because the wounds are still fresh, you might want to rekindle the affair just so you can exact revenge. On the other hand, going back with the wounds still fresh might make you very sensitive to everything your partner does.
Most times, you’d find yourself tensed and over-analyzing every word or action from your partner. That is the classic definition of paranoia, a psychological problem that is as bad as anything you can think of.
Who has moved on
That is another important thing to be taken into consideration. Have you moved on? Has you ex moved on?
Trying to get back would be an exercise in futility if your ex is now happily hooked up to another person. Or if you are also into a relationship, there is no point trying to get back to your ex.
Moving on can mean a lot of things apart from having a new partner. But most importantly, moving on is the state of mind. Your ex could still be into you even if they are in a new affair. In which case, it won’t be hard to get back together.
Though that would mean hurting an innocent person. Which is not fair. But then again, who says life is fair? The pursuit of happiness can lead us into many dicey and uncomfortable situations.
At the other end of the spectrum is the fact that your ex could still be single but in their heads, getting back with you is the worst thing they could do.
In a case like this, they’ve completely moved on. Nothing you do would get you guys back. Trying would only be a waste of your time.
So broadly speaking, these are the four issues you must take into consideration before you try to get your ex back. Even if all the signs favor getting back together again, understand that things would never be the same.
Both of you must have to put in a real shift to make the relationship work this time around. Or all your efforts would have been in vain.
Please, tell us what you feel about this in the comments box below. We would love to hear your views. And remember to like our Facebook or Twitter pages if you haven’t done so.
Cheers.
