Selfishness is a trait that is universally derided. The idea or concept of selfish is understood by almost everyone. In practice though, people might try to blur the lines of what it means if your partner is selfish.
Because of the nature of love, it is common for us to ignore certain traits in our partners. Remember, these are traits we would find unacceptable in others.
Selfishness works the same way. People turn a blind eye to their lover’s Selfishness, especially if the selfish partner is the dominant half of the relationship. They just accept it and hope nothing really awful results from it.
However, any bad trait, including selfishness, most often than not, leads to worst traits. Bad things ultimately happen. So it’s best to nip the problems in the bud before it gets out of hand.
Which clearly begs the question? How do you spot a selfish person? How do you know your partner is selfish and self-centred?
Some of the red flags for knowing your partner is selfish are obvious. Others are so subtle they can even escape the notice of the most vigilant.
But if your partner ticks 95% of the traits of a selfish partner explained below, it’s high time you took steps to resolve that obnoxious habit.
1. Selfish partners care more about what you do than how you are
The question, ‘What do you do for a living‘ is an innocent query. We ask it casually in getting to know a stranger or a new acquaintance. But it is also one of the pointers to a selfish partner.
A selfish partner would make it their business to track how you are faring in your job or career. They don’t care how you feel about the job.
To them, all your work-related problems are nothing as long as you are still working. You only see some significant reaction from them if you decide to quit your job.
They would try and convince you not to quit even if your reasons are legitimate. Your feelings would never be as important as the work you do. Your happiness or well-being can go to hell.
2. Too many rules and regulations
Selfish people are masters at micromanaging other people’s lives. They make rules to control every aspect of your life.
Most times these rules are made on a whim.And you can be sure they would drop or tweak a rule if they find it inconvenient.
And what about you? Your feelings don’t count as far as your selfish partner is concerned. You stay in line or ship out if that would serve their purpose.
3. Your partner is selfish if they always hug the spotlight
Any successful relationship is about give and take. Each partner makes a sacrifice to ensure the happiness of the other.
Making decisions is one aspect where give and take works in a relationship. Each partner’s opinion is respected in making any relationship a happy team of two.
Your selfish partner though doesn’t know anything about that. Their opinion is what counts. Their point of view is the most important one.
And any decision without their input is as useless as trying to put out a fire with gasoline.
4. They sabotage you
This follows closely with their need to be in the spotlight all the time. They might support you up to a point. But if they notice your success threatens to overshadow them, they draw the line.
This is the point where they might encourage you to pursue a course of action inimical to your progress. They won’t care if they go down with you too.
They would find a way to come out smelling of roses while they push they blame on you.
5. If there is something in it for them, they would do it
There is this prevailing wisdom that selfish people make successful businessmen and women. That might be true to some extent. To your selfish partner, that saying should be engraved in stone.
As a matter of fact, if your partner is selfish, they would believe selfishness is the key to a successful and happy relationship. Unfortunately, that happiness is restricted to them alone.
That is why they would never embark on any project unless they’d gain something in return. Even buying you a gift is done with the intention of getting something bigger in return.
6. Selfish partners lack empathy
The lack of empathy should be the one trait that encapsulates the traits of selfish people. They hardly show compassion unless it benefits them.
Even asking you a simple question like ‘How was your day‘ is something they would rather not do. Unless of course, the question is the forerunner for a discussion about their own day.
Don’t be surprised if they resent you for falling sick thereby forcing them to expend energy taking care of you. They would make an excuse not to be around you at that point.
Now here is the thing about selfish partners, if the behavior is allowed to continue, it would escalate and get worse. Like drug addicts, selfish people get their daily fix from making their partners miserable.
And like drug addicts again, that fix would only get bigger by the day until something really unfortunate happens. In which case, it might be too late.
So never indulge your partner if you noticed most of these traits in them. Find ways to stop it. Walking out on the affair should be an option if all else fails.
So what do you think? Have you encountered a selfish partner before? How was the experience for you?