I think full disclosure is pertinent here before I go into a rant about living in your partner’s family home. I hate the idea thoroughly. I just can’t see any good about it.
I know circumstances might make it the best option for you at a point in time. If you are in that position, all I have is compassion for your sorry situation. Living in your partner’s family home, even if there are mitigating issues or advantages, is something I’d only wish on my enemies.
The focus is on dudes, grown up men who should know better thinking they can get any joy from living with their in-laws. Though, ladies too can face the same problems in the same situation.
Talking about living in your partner’s Family home was motivated by my guy, Sunny, who married a lady far richer than him.
Because she had more money, it seemed logical for Sunny to move into an apartment in his girl’s family compound. These days, Sunny is just a shadow of the lively guy we used to know. Now, he is actively seeking for a way out.
But he is stuck in the sort of hole where rationalizations about everything can suck away or kill every motivation to take action.
Before you start thinking living in your partner’s family home is not as bad as I make it out to be, you need to first of all talk to those who are in that situation to get a better perspective.
I bet they would tell you things like;
Living in your partner’s family home breeds disrespect
The thing about relating with your partner’s family is that the closer you get them, the more there are reasons for any underlying contempt to grow.
Let’s assume before you moved in, your in-laws really liked you and all that. That could easily be because they did not have to put up with your presence 24 hours a day, everyday.
Whether you like it or not, they’re begin to feel you took advantage of their wealth. Fact is, a man who others feel is living off the wealth of his in-laws would never get the respect he deserves.
This disrespect can come in so many ways. Even her younger siblings would be on your case after you moved into the family home.
When I see dudes like that, I wonder what happened to that very sensible advice in the Bible about how a man would leave his parents, move to a distant place and start a family with his woman?
Bid goodbye to privacy
The last time I spoke to Sunny about how he is getting to grips with living in his wife’s family home, he let it known that he still has his small, bachelor apartment under lease.
He just couldn’t imagine his parents or siblings spending the night in his wife’s family home when they come visiting. I was shocked he even had the sense to think that.
Heck, he complained he couldn’t comfortably have his friends over for nice chats like before.
When you are like most men who love privacy a lot, you should be prepared to forego that.
The house is not yours, so her family have a free run of the house at any time. And there is nothing you can do about it.
If you decide to put your foot down, be prepared to be thoroughly embarrassed. Even people who in other circumstances would be too small to tie your laces, would now have the audacity to talk down on you; scornfully reminding you the house is not yours.
Personal development is put on hold
One of the advantages of living in your partner’s family home is the fact you save money on rent.
However, there is the danger you might get too comfortable with the the idea of saving money.
Saving money like that is a double-edged sword. Now, because the house is not yours, you’d never think of making improvements to the house.
Your wife or family on the other hand would come up with many ways for you to use that saved funds. After all, since you are living free in the house, you have to contribute in other ways.
And brother, you can’t refuse requests like that.
The end result is that you’d find it difficult to use your money to develop yourself personally; you know, to do things like invest in landed property or even important household items.
This is important if your income is not very substantial. On the other hand though, you might be so disgruntled over this arrangement with your wife that you would move mountains to get out and get your own home.
The irony here is that you shouldn’t have allowed yourself to be in that situation in the first place.
Depression is very likely
One thing about about depression is that it is a condition that can be caused by anything. It is not uncommon to see a rich, happily married man being diagnosed with depression.
Getting depressed when you are living in your partner’s family home is a result of the accumulation of all the little aggravations of living there.
Like Sunny my friend, life becomes a chore for you. Something you do without any joy.
If the situation is not reversed, the consequences can be devastating for you, your family and your friends.
Like I said earlier, living in your partner’s family home is something I’d only wish on my enemies. So heed my advice, avoid it no matter the circumstances.
Even if you have to stay single for a long time, no problem. The world would not come to an end. Just make sure you are able to afford an apartment for you and your partner before getting married.
Please join us on Facebook or Twitter for more interesting updates and to drop you thoughts on this issue. You can also tell us your views in the comments section below. We would love to hear your take.
Cheers.
