In an ideal world, it would be hard to understand how perfectionism can stop you being happy in a relationship. This is because everybody would be perfect. So we would all understand each other.
This though is an imperfect world. Human flaws rule the roost. Somebody once said it is these flaws that make the world interesting. But if you are striving for perfection in all you do, you wouldn’t understand such sentiments. To you, human flaws make the world such a drag.
Here is the thing though, it is very unlikely to find a perfect human being. This simple truth is known to almost everybody. But that doesn’t stop many from trying to achieve the impossible. In the process, they hurt others, severing relationships and making life very miserable for their partners.
If you are a perfectionist, it is very likely you are hurting your partner without knowing it. And if your partner is hurting, it follows logically that you can never be really happy. Except, of course, you are a sadomasochist.
Let look at some of the ways perfectionism can stop you being happy in your relationship.
1. You go ballistics easily when plans go awry
This is one of the biggest drawbacks of being a perfectionist. You expect plans to go a certain way. You are the master of micromanaging. You plans tend to be well laid with every detail beaten to perfection.
Naturally, life does interfere and even the best-laid plans can unravel like a pack of cards. In life, this is normal. But as a perfectionist, you would refuse to accept that. You would blame your partner or whoever else was part of the plan.
Even if you don’t say it out loud, your actions would scream, ‘You incompetent nitwit. It is all your fault!‘ to your partner.
Even if your partner had a legit excuse or is not at fault, you would never accept that. And it is unthinkable you’d ever consider yourself as the cause of the plan going south. After all, you are a perfectionist.
2. You would find empathy and compassion hard to come by
As a perfectionist, you would find it hard to accommodate the shortcomings of others. To you, everything is either black or white. There are simply no shades of grey.
For that reason, your partner might find it difficult to confide in you. They are positive they won’t get the required empathy and compassion from you. Most likely, you would dismiss them with a sneer.
Don’t be surprised if close friends or family are the ones that would inform you something is wrong with your partner.
Naturally, you won’t understand why your partner didn’t come to you first. This would, of course, lead to new sets of problems between you two. The end result is the absence of happiness in the relationship.
3. Your standards are too high to meet
As a perfectionist, you have already imposed certain standards on yourself. Unfortunately, you expect your partner to live by those standards too.
You simply don’t appreciate the fact that people are made different. Your abiding principle is, if you can do it, they can also do the same thing. You would have no place in your heart for any sign of weakness
Basically, you are like a taskmaster that ensures something gets done no matter the cost.
Nobody is saying that others should not strive for excellence or that it is not good to encourage people to be the best they can.
What is at stake here is the differing personality that makes us all unique. Remember, this is not an ideal world. Nature and environment have conspired to make us all different and unique.
4. You are always at the head of any situation
To put it another way, you would never allow your partner to take the lead in any situation.
It is possible leadership comes to you naturally. That is commendable. But you have to understand that in some situations, others would like to take the lead and show what they can do. Sadly though, the perfectionist in you would never allow that.
Your insistence on taking the lead all the time means you would never see the best of your partner. At the same time, this would stop your partner from fully exploring the limits of the relationship.
These are just a few of the ways perfectionism can stop you from being happy in your relationship.
Hope is not lost though, you can start now to reverse the situation. Some of the things you can do include:
- Be realistic about human nature
- Always open yourself to the fact that you can learn a thing or two from your partner
- Don’t be afraid to show your flaws. It helps you build empathy and compassion
- Take time to know about yourself from your partner’s perspective.
So, are you a perfectionist? Do you agree perfectionism can stop you being happy in a relationship? Tell us what you think in the comment section below.