Having or living with an emotionally abusive boyfriend is being down the dumps for any lady. It is one situation that all sane people should condemn. Basically, if you ask any person, they would boldly claim they are not emotionally abusive.
Therein lies the problem. Most of the time, emotionally abusive people don’t know what they are doing to their partners. It is the victim of their abuse that suffers the brunt and almost always carries this terrible burden quietly.
The fact is, a lady with an emotionally abusive boyfriend would find it difficult to articulate her problem. It gets worse if the dude, publicly, seems like a caring man with loads of money to burn.
In cases like this, the girl is left to carry her problem alone. Many people would tag her a whining, unappreciative person. After all, most women would love to he be in her place.
So this is the case of suffering in silence alone. The lady is the only person who truly knows the extent of her boyfriend’s character. And she has to learn to deal with it alone.
So if you have an emotionally abusive boyfriend, these are some of the ways you can deal with the problem.
1. Be honest and admit it is happening
Many ladies are more likely to bury their heads in the sand rather than admit they blundered into a bad relationship. In this group are girls who would never agree they have an emotionally abusive boyfriend.
The first step in dealing with the problem is to be brutally honest with yourself.
- Are you happy in the relationship?
- Do his actions or inactions make you miserable all the time?
- Are you sometimes scared of telling him some things because you are afraid of his acidic replies?
These are some of the questions you should be asking yourself. And if the answers are, ‘yes’, then you likely living with an abusive partner.
2. Have a heart to heart conversation with him
Effective communication is key to the success of any relationship. It is one skill can determine how happy you are.
If you are not good communicating your thoughts and feelings to your boyfriend, it would be very hard to be happy under any circumstance.
The first step in dealing with him is to have an honest conversation with him. Tell him what he is doing is not right and needs to stop immediately.
If he is the sensitive type and really loves you, that should be enough.
However, be wary of letting minor infractions pass hoping it was just a mistake on his part. Make sure you tell him anytime he does something you find emotionally abusive.
3. Choose your moments before talking to him
One of the arts of effective communication is picking the right moment.
You should not talk to him when he is in a mood. This might only get him to become more inflamed and abusive. At this point, he is like a train wreck going downhill. He won’t stop until he hits bottom.
So the right moment is when he is calm and is receptive to reasoning things out with you. As your boyfriend, you’ve known him long enough to spot the right moments.
4. Never take him on
Your emotionally abusive boyfriend has lived his life been the way he is. He has had a lifetime to become good at being emotionally abusive.
So trying to take him on by also being emotionally abusive is wrong. It is understandable if you want to pay him back in his own coin. But he would defeat you with his experience.
And besides, if he is blissfully unaware of his abusive nature, he might start acting like he is the victim. He would turn it around and wonder what he did to deserve that treatment from you.
This would invariably put you in a spot you are not used to and leave you feeling very guilty, remorseful and miserable.
5. Open up to somebody you can trust
Talking to somebody immediately does a couple of things:
- It helps you to unburden your heart and
- It gives you a new perspective on your problem.
However, who you talk to must be a very trusted person. A therapist if one is available is a good idea. But in the absence of one, you can talk to a family member or very close friend.
Always remember to be very honest and lay it out exactly the way it is. Don’t try to mitigate your boyfriend’s behavior. That is the only way whoever you tell can fully appreciate the problem and help out if possible.
6. Take a break
Sometimes, putting quite a distance between you and your boyfriend can do positive things to you and the relationship.
With distance, you can look at your life with him without his overbearing presence. Distance gives you a clear head to sort things out.
By taking a break, you are putting everybody on notice that you don’t have put up with him any longer. It is now left for him to make an effort to be better.
At this point, breaking up is not out of the question. One of the good things about taking a break is that it eases you into accepting a permanent separation as a viable option.