You must have heard it said several times that when lovers fight, stay out of it. That is the smart thing to do. Experience has taught people they would get burnt in unimaginable ways if they don’t mind their own business.
I learned my lesson the hard way a long time ago. My buddy, Lucky, found himself in a jam with his girlfriend. The situation was a bit convoluted, but it all boiled down to serious trust issues.
That it boiled over to such a serious point was simply down to the accumulation a little infractions over time. Both of them never bothered to talk about the little concerns they had until they couldn’t keep a lid on them any longer.
I understood something important out of that fight between Lucky and his girl: you can’t put a value on communication when you are in a relationship. Always insist on dealing with a grievance, no matter how small, immediately it happens.
Anyway, I supported my friend to the hilt. I even said some uncomplimentary things about his girlfriend. Bite me from here to eternity. Can you imagine the next time I saw him a couple of days later, he was with her and smiling like everything was okay?
Somehow they settled. I got to find out after she left that he’d told her some of the things I said about her. Apparently, he needed to reveal those things for her to agree to a truce.
I was gobsmacked. I made sure to keep quite a distance between her and me. There was no way she wouldn’t be resentful of some of the things I said.
Let’s just say I lost a friend because of that episode. But I learned a lesson though: never get involved when lovers fight!
But some people insist not all cases are the same. There could be mitigating factors that would point you in the direction to take.
So let’s take a look at all the ways you could insert yourself when lovers fight.
Remaining neutral when lovers fight
Here is the scenario for you: you are unfortunately right there when things are heating it. Both of them are looking to you to support one of them.
Remaining neutral would look like you don’t care about either of them? You friend expects support from you because you are buddies. That is what buddies do. They got each other’s back no matter the circumstances.
As for your buddy’s partner, they expect you to look at the case on merit. That is another way of saying they expect you to make your friend see reason and admit he/she (your friend) is wrong.
And if you refuse, even if you have good reasons, you would be accused of bias; a clear lapse in judgment that doesn’t help your case as a rational person.
So what would you do since remaining neutral comes with its own perils? This leads us nicely to picking one side or the other.
Backing your friend when lovers fight
It is so darn easy to support your friend in a situation like this. Come on, it is expected of you.
Some friends even take it upon themselves to make their friend’s lover come to a lot of grief. It is the classic example of going above and beyond your duties as a friend.
But as mentioned earlier, this could backfire. If they reconcile behind your back, just know one or both of them would be after you.
Your friend might decide you showed too much enthusiasm in your support. You know, after a lovers quarrel, reconciliation can be so sweet. This could lead both lovers to make new commitments to each other.
And one such commitment could be distancing themselves from your meddling ass. You would be lucky if they don’t accuse you of actively working to undermine the relationship.
It is not beyond the realms of possibility for them to claim it was your underhand tactics that escalated the problem between them. That is how people in love roll.
Now see why I like the third option.
Supporting your buddy’s lover in a quarrel
In one of my ‘light bulb‘ moments, it suddenly hit me that I could get away with anything as long it is my friend we are talking about. Yes, practically anything apart from extreme stuff like hitting on his girlfriend though.
He is my friend. We’ve come a long way and nothing as small as backing his girlfriend can break what we have. And it doesn’t matter if the partner is wrong, back them against your buddy.
When you support your friend’s partner, you are making it clear you like and approve of the partner. You are also making it clear to the partner you can be trusted to make sound judgments devoid of emotions.
And after the inevitable reconciliation, it won’t be a hard thing for your friend’s lover to extol your virtues as a good friend. Even if your friend is mad, it won’t be for long.
You can always explain things to your friend when you guys meet later. As good friends, you would be forgiven and you guys would laugh over it.
So you have now gained the full trust of one more person (your friend’s lover). That trust could come in handy someday I promise you.
So, how would you handle such a situation if you find yourself between your friend and their partner? If you have ever been in a situation like that, please tell us how you handled yourself and how it got resolved.
Hope your peacemaking efforts didn’t come back to bite you somewhere delicate?