My friend Joe is rich and in a long-term relationship. He is a walking, talking example on how not to cheat on your partner. The simple reason is, he spends all the time he should be cheating, planning and talking about cheating. At the end, he never does it.
Cheating on your partner is not something that should be done lightly. I guess Joe knows that and so he is always planning the perfect tryst with one girl or the other. His grandiose plans include getting a furnished apartment for his side chick in a neighboring town.
I am not directly or indirectly prodding you guys to cheat on your partners. No way. I am a serial one-woman man. I have never dated two girls at the same time. The first time I tried it was the last time.
It didn’t work out because I discovered I wasted too much time planning and thinking about ways not to get caught. And besides, UD, my girl at the time, didn’t deserve that from me.
We, men, must have a very active stupid gene in us. You see dudes in obviously perfect relationship still going out to look for trouble by cheating. I don’t understand the motivation really. But we do it all the same and most times, we tend to be inept at it.
If you are in a relationship, and you love your girl very much. Don’t cheat. If your are stupid enough to cheat on your partner, at least show her a little respect by making sure she never finds out.
Plan seriously like my friend Joe. And if unlike Joe you actually decided to cheat on your partner, follow these rules to avoid getting caught.
Cheat on Your Partner with one Night Stands only
Straight-up tell the girl you are in a relationship so she knows what is involved. One night stands can happen just about anywhere. You might be at a party or conference and this sultry beauty who happens to be the hottest usher caught your eye.
Because you are not the shy type, you strike up a conversation with her and one thing can lead to another in a hurry. If you know how to handle the situation, you might get to score that very day.
Anyway, don’t forget to chip in along the line that you have a girl at home and hope it doesn’t spoil your chances. Many girls don’t mind. Maybe the idea you find them as attractive as your girl thrills them no end. Or something else is their motivation.
The point here is never to meet, or make an appointment to meet with her, after the first time.
Don’t leave tell tale signs
To cheat on your partner is something you should not do carelessly. One mistake cheaters make is to take the evidence of their misdemeanor back home with them thinking their women are as stupid as them. News flash, women are very smart.
If your are already married or you have a live-in lover,
- Avoid using your own phone to call or text your side chick. If you have to, delete the call history or text immediately
- Take a bath before going back home
- If taking a bath is not possible, use a strong body spray to cover up the smell of the other woman on your body
- Make sure the spray is the same as the usual one you have at home.
- Check your clothes for any signs of lipsticks
- And don’t come back home with hotel receipts, or restaurant slips. In fact, just make sure your wallet is empty of everything except the essentials. Your pockets too. Empty them.
Now you can go back home and hope to God your partner is not clairvoyant.
Don’t Talk About it
I know it is difficult not to brag about your conquests to the guys. Because that is what we guys always do.
To successfully cheat on your partner and get away with it, keep your mouth shut. Even to your best friend. But if you can’t, make sure it is to a small circle of very trusted friends.
However, you can be sure that word would eventually get out once somebody knows about your affair. That is why the last strategy is very important
Always have a Backup.
One of the best backups is your friend. Tell him to always cover up for you. Should he unexpectedly get a call from your girl about your whereabouts, he should be ready with a smart answer and a good cover story that is flexible enough to be interpreted in many ways.
So you should always give him the heads up when you are about to cheat on your partner.
As long as you are never caught with your pants down, you must be always have a story to explain a suspicious question. Questions like,
“Julia told me are she saw you downtown, didn’t you tell me you were in the office all day?”
“Your body smells different, have you changed your Cologne?”
“I saw receipt for a dress, were you trying to surprise me with a nice gift?”
The point is, no matter how careful you are, you’ll do something dumb that gives you away. After all, you are already doing a dumb thing. So always have a backup plan and answers to awkward questions.
I bet there are folks out there thinking I missed some critical things on how to cheat on your partner. So folks, use our Facebook page to give us more insights on cheating. And if you prefer Twitter, we have an excellent handle too where you can share your tips.
Or you can just use the comments section below to tell us what you think. Cheers.
