The Truth About How Self Esteem Affect Love And Relationship

The Truth About How Self Esteem Affect Love And Relationship

Self Esteem Affect Love And Relationship: Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent”, “I am worthy”) and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame: some would distinguish how ‘the self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, the positive or negative evaluation of the self, is how we feel about it. Self esteem can either be low or high.

how Self Esteem Affect Love And RelationshipPeople with High self esteem have these enduring personality characteristics: 

  • Firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when finding opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.
  • Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgement, and not feeling guilty when others don’t like their choice.
  • Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present intensely.
  • Fully trust in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. They ask others for help when they need it.
  • Consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.
  • Take for granted that they are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those with whom they have a friendship.
  • Resist manipulation; collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.
  • Admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealing those drives to others only when they choose.
  • Are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.
  • Are sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claim no right or desire to prosper at others’ expense.

People with Low self esteem have these enduring personality characteristics: 

  • Heavy self-criticism, tending to create a habitual state of dissatisfaction with oneself.
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism, which makes oneself feel easily attacked and experience obstinate resentment against critics.
  • Chronic indecision, not so much because of lack of information, but from an exaggerated fear of making a mistake.
  • Excessive will to please: being unwilling to say “no”, out of fear of displeasing the petitioner.
  • Perfectionism, or self-demand to do everything attempted “perfectly” without a single mistake, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.
  • Neurotic guilt: one is condemned for behaviours which not always are objectively bad, exaggerates the magnitude of mistakes or offenses and complains about them indefinitely, never reaching full forgiveness.
  • Floating hostility, irritability out in the open, always on the verge of exploding even for unimportant things; an attitude characteristic of somebody who feels bad about everything, who is disappointed or unsatisfied with everything.
  • Defensive tendencies, a general negative (one is pessimistic about everything: life, future, and, above all, oneself) and a general lack of will to enjoy life.


Now what effect does self esteem has on our love and relationships life?

People form romantic relationship with people who have similar self esteem, in other words, when it come to social and romantic relationships, we tends to be comfortable with some other persons that has similar self esteem. This mean people with high level self esteem attract other with high level self esteem subconsciously and the same thing apply to low level self esteem. However, this is just a generalized statement, and it wouldn’t apply to all love and relationship life especially if such relationship is base on facial attraction.For instant, one with low level self esteem may be attracted to someone with high level of self esteem and vice versa but this is less common unlike when both of them are on the same level of self esteem. When there is a mismatch of self esteem especially for a long term successful relationship, there are just two (2) possible outcomes. 1. Relationship breakups and 2. Matching relationship (Harmonizing relationships)

1. Relationship Breakups:

This is the most common effect where there is a mismatch of self esteem in a relationship because it wouldn’t last, after some few months to about one or two years, the relationship will end because during this period, it is enough for the attraction period (infatuation) to have elapsed. At this period, the physical attractiveness will not be playing more role as it did initially when the relationship started. Relationship breakups will occur due to insecurities and self sabotaging behaviour of the one with low self esteem. For instance, if the male has high self esteem and talk to lots of his female friends, then the female partner who is in relationship with him will be jealous of such relationship as a result of her low level of self esteem. This will bring about argument all the time and there will be resentment toward each other and if this issue is not resolved, then such relationship is heading to a rock.

2.  Matching of Self Esteem (Unifying or Harmonizing Self Esteem)

This is what will occur after a mismatch of self esteem in a relationship, as the relationship progress over some time, both partner try to strike a balance between the two in such a way to harmonize the relationship ready to be turned apart by their respective self esteem. The one that so common is that, the person with low self esteem will adopt the partner high self esteem, and in such situation, the lower self “esteemer” will begin to feel confident and more valued with the partner, feel better about themselves and this will naturally increase their self esteem.The opposite can as well occur, the one with high self esteem will begin to adopt the partner low self esteem and they will become more insecure, pick up more worries and thereby lower their self esteem. This matching of self esteem in relationship has much more better chances for long time love and relationship life than the one with a mismatch or inharmonious self esteem.

As you can see that fewer securities in a relationship will lead to less suspicious, lesser resentment and little argument thereby making the relationship much happier and fairly trouble free love and relationship life.

In summary, people will like to associate with people of the same self esteem when it come to romantic relationship and People with low self esteem can miss out on romantic love and relationship life.

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