Character or grade point average (GPA)
“Which should be the most important to a parent?” Are you less interested in your child’s character and personal responsibility and more interested in his Grade Point Average (GPA) or is it the other way round?
If your answer is character and responsibility then you should give yourself a pat on the back!
Kids who grow up in a society/family where character are formed, enforced, Valued, and sustained have a very little chance of not being successful or productive at school and during adult lives.
Notwithstanding, several parents faced a chance, which seems less than obvious. A friend of mine once had a call from a concerned parent about her child’s behavior. After some discussions, the woman admitted that daughter had stolen an ATM card and bought some items through the Internet.
However, the woman’s major concern was not really about her daughter criminal behavior but instead was for her laying about the purchase its self.
Several times the woman said, “I simply would not like her to have a record.” In desperation, my friend finally asked, “Do you mean you don’t mind that she could be a criminal, so long she doesn’t appear a criminal?”
“Well, no”, she replied. “But this is often about been a reality for her. What do I do?”
At this point, it had been clear that the girl’s mother needed to treat her daughter’s mistake as an opportunity to showing her daughter that she needs to face the consequences of her choices.
Though it would cause some short-term pains, never the less the long-term gains are more in terms of a stronger, healthier sense of personal responsibility that would mold the foundation for a solid character.
Of course, it is a lot easier to understand what different parents ought to do about their misbehaving kids. This mother is troubled with a challenge several other parents face.
Parents have tendencies to loving their children in a sentimental way such that when they are hurting or uncomfortable, the parents hurt more. Parents always want to protect them, which is only natural.
However, our attempt to saving lots of children from the consequences of their inactions have a great deal with parents trying to comfort themselves, and not facing the challenges head log and finding a lasting solution.
This mother has fallen into another trap by buying into the idea that a child’s self-concept becomes dented once the child experiences the consequences of his mistakes. Nothing is far away from reality. In fact, the opposite is true: Self-concept is dented each time a parent excuses unhealthy behavior.
The law of empathy provides us with a great solution to this dilemma, which is a way of holding children responsible for their actions without been mean or an authoritarian. This marvelous technique leaves children thinking, “My parent is not my problem. My problem is my unhealthy call (Bad behavior)”.
Offer children significant dose of compassion and sympathy before you put forward any penalty or logical consequences. This opens their hearts and minds to learn from their mistakes without putting blame on you. Then make the penalty in a very love some way to allow the consequences teach a very important life lesson.
In the case of theft credit cards, let us imagine how this girl’s mother can help her girl facing the natural consequences of making outlawed purchases. This mother should resist the temptation to reacting with anger, which only would make her daughter defensive.
A Significant Dose of Empathy
Mom: “Oh, sweet heart, what a pity. My heart goes out to you. What a problem. I bet you are feeling awful. Would it not be OK if I visited the police with you, while you explain your act?”
Daughter: “But, mom, it’s not fair! Can’t you get me a lawyer?”
Hold the Road in a Very Love some Manner
Mom: “Sweet heart I love you too much to let you pass up this opportunity to learn about how the real world works”. (Parents need repeat this statement for every new argument their kid raises).
This is a tragic story about a mother and her daughter who are paying huge price. Neither of these people would have been in this state of affairs had the mother started early in handling the bad characters and misbehavior of her daughter in this way.
Life provides variety of opportunities for kids to form their habit (character) and find out how the real world works. Let us make the most of them! We should never abandon good character for anything else, not even a great GPA. This is because a child of good character would achieve sustained growth in life while also been proactive during his school and adult years.
Note:
GPA means – Grade Point Average is the is the process of applying standard measurements of varying levels of achievement to a course or group of subjects
