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Stages of Getting Over Someone – Knowing This Will Help You a Lot
When a breakup first happens, it can feel like the world is ending. Your emotions become consumed by the recent loss. Your schedule and day to day life are altered as you proceed into the future without your significant other.
You try not to dwell on the breakup or think about the other person, but everywhere you look seems to be a screaming reminder that they are no longer there.
The first thing you need to do is realize that getting over someone and a relationship is a process. Healing takes time.
The longer the relationship lasted, the more difficult the recovery can become. There are proactive steps you can take to help shorten the time it takes to bounce back after a breakup, but whether long or short, recovery has a series of common stages.
Anticipating the stages of getting over someone will help you to better understand the emotions you are feeling and recognize that what you are going through is both common and normal.
In Denial
Despite the fact that the relationship is over, your mind does not want to believe that it is really true.
The denial stage wants to hold onto the false hope that the breakup is temporary and that there is a chance that the two of you will get back together.
The hazard of this phase is that it detracts you from the ability to begin healing from the broken relationship. Instead of recovering, you are exerting your energy trying to convince yourself that the relationship still stands a chance.
Endless Questions
It is normal to analyze what went wrong and to question how or when the problems first started.
The questioning phase feeds into our heart and mind’s desire for understanding. It feels important to comprehend the specific details that led to the breakup.
The problem with this stage is that the questions become unceasing. You begin to second-guess every aspect of the relationship and ultimately of yourself as well.
If friends and family give opinions about your newly past relationship or breakup, you begin to question their perspectives and can find yourself debating those you are closest to.
Negotiation
As silly as it may sound, one of the common stages of getting over someone is negotiating. The negotiating is not with your ex, but rather with yourself.
As your mind battles to accept the truth that the relationship is over, and as you field unending questions as to why the relationship dissolved, the mind then begins to come up with negotiations of how to successfully get back together.
Although common, this is probably the least healthy of the breakup stages because it creates unrealistic expectations.
Your mind tries to convince you that you alone have to power to restore the relationship, when in reality it would take both partners working in mutual agreement to reconcile that which is no longer existent.
Rebound
By definition, the word rebound, means ‘to bounce back.’ On the surface, this description sounds constructive, but following a breakup, this stage can be detrimental to your well-being.
Instead of ‘bouncing back’ to a healthy state of mind, this phase can lead you back to the person you broke up with, or worse, into a shallow relationship with a new person in an attempt to mask your pain.
This phase is dangerous because it does not deal with the real feelings and issues you are going through, but instead camouflages your unresolved hurts by distracting you from the pain.
As you sense yourself in this stage, try to avoid the temptation of seeking solace from your ex or a new partner. Deal with your feelings and allow your emotions to heal properly.
Anger
Despite being the most unpleasant phase, this stage of the breakup allows real healing to begin. Unlike the other stages that detract and hinder recovery, anger forces you to identify your feelings and express your emotions.
The anger you feel may be directed at your ex, it may be directed at yourself or it may just emerge as anger at the situation as a whole.
No matter how it manifests itself, anger is a real emotion that promotes liberation from the enslavement to false hope.
Acceptance
The various stages of getting over someone can occur simultaneously or in any order. Yet, the acceptance stage typically occurs after most of the others.
After questioning, denying, negotiating and possibly rebounding, the mind begins to regain its rationalism and you finally accept that the relationship has no chance of being restored.
Not only do you begin to accept this realization, you actually feel relieved because you understand that you do not need that person back in your life.
You embrace the fact that the relationship dissolved for valid reasons and realize that in the long-run it was probably for the best.
New Hope
Contrary to the false hope that is created during the denial stage, the final stage of a breakup leads to a renewed hope. It is no longer a hope that focuses on getting back together with the person your broke up with, but rather, a hope that is now directed at a new future.
You begin to look forward to what the future holds. You anticipate your independent success in your life. This new hope encourages your capabilities, even without your ex in your life, and it allows you the freedom to envision the possibilities of meeting someone new.
Be Empowered
Anytime you withstand a distressing or disturbing experience, there is a process of grief that follows. Learning the natural stages of grief that occur helps you to identity the feelings and experiences you are encountering.
Being aware and taking proactive measures of what you think and do can greatly reduce your recovery time.
Your deliberate actions following a breakup, empowers you to move forward more quickly with your life. They also minimize the self-doubt and unrealistic expectations that can hold you back from complete healing.
