Are You Having The Right Reason For Being Single?
There are many reasons why people decide to be single but do all of these reasons justifiable? There’s nothing wrong for being single, the truth it that, singleness can help you to be happy on your own if you want it that way but lots of people go into relationship thinking happiness can only be found when in relationship.
If you fail to recognise the fact that your happiness can be determine by yourself, you might want to get into relationship and expecting your partner to be the source of your happiness. But the end result can be miserable and unsatisfying if you’re not in control of your happiness in your life.
If your reason is based on low self-esteem or you don’t want to be alone anymore and rush into a relationship, there’s every possibility that you’re likely going to make the wrong choice or poor choice and settle in an unfulfilling relationship.
Before going into any relationship, as a single person, you need to consider your motivations and desires. If you’re in a relationship that is not by choice, it is possible your desires and motivation are on the right path. But if you’re force to it because you’re tired of loneliness, there’ll be many issues.
So there might be lots of good reason why people still remain single, but that is not why I’m writing this article, I’m writing it to show you the wrong reasons why people stay away from love and intimacy and also deprive themselves of their happiness.
Anyone who have had not too good experience about bad relationship which can be from self or from family upbringing will most likely develop a cynical attitudes which makes it hard to know more about other people they might fall in love with.
Individual who grew up with single parent as a result of divorce or one who grew up with a guardian that never gave him or her the chance to be free and take some certain decision on his or her own will like develop such attitude when growing up. This kind of attitudes can make you see relationship as nothing but a waste of time.
The fact is that, you easily write off a potential partner because of your long list of things you don’t want in a partner. Things like; love never last, men only want sex, women will want to control you, dating is too awkward, being in relationship will limit ones exploration of life and many other thought that won’t make you settle down for a relationship with a potential partner, because you think you have the fact and figure about all of these. These things are as a result of the way someone is brought up and critical attitude from bad experienced from childhood has become part of the person, limiting him or her to get into relationship.
It is important to identify and separate from this inner critical attitude, whether we want to be in relationship or not. Once this is done, we will be able to think about what we actually want in our life and go after it.
Being in relationship can help us achieve lots of things if we are there for the right reason. According to this study; being in a relationship help to reduce pain, get healing faster, increase in success rate, less stress with sharp focus and sharper mind and increase in happiness which leads to living longer lives.
If your decision is to have a lasting and loving relationship, then you should understand that, the forces that will prevent you is within you and until you deal with it. Fear of vulnerability is one of the forces we just have to deal with. It lives in us and until we are able to get rid of it before we can be having a fulfilling relationship.
So many singles you see today try to protect themselves in other not to get hurt, by trying to avoiding being in an intimate relationship. Some pull back when things are almost taking shape because of fear of vulnerability and limiting their spaces, losing their sense of freedom.
We need to let go of our fear of intimacy and vulnerability if we don’t want to be single for the wrong reasons. Being in a relationship will help us to grow and discover other part of our life that we’ve never thought existing.
There’s no way we will be in a relationship without getting hurt, we will get hurt but it will make us stronger and develop greater joy. Our internal critics shouldn’t stop us from being in a relationship. We should learn to deal with them and at the end, we’ll realize that, we are even stronger to handle whatever life throws at us.
This is the personal strength we need to develop and we will get to know that vulnerability is even the safest place to go in other to get what we really want. As Brene Brown pointed out, he said; being vulnerable is never about experiencing fear, grief and disappointment but it is the birthplace where we can find everything we are hungry for.