There seven times more negative effects of divorce than there are positive effects. This got me wondering why some married couple ever consider the idea of a divorce in the first place. Did they not vow to love and cherish till death part them? And now, I have come to find out that most couple who go into a divorce had an inclination to divorce if their marriage did not become successful. Most of these people already had a selfish motive before going into the marriage. Some of the motives a lot of them usually have are some what like; for financial purposes, because of frustration, for connectivity, for beauty, for handsomeness, for protection, for security, to please their parents’ selfish desires or for some other salient reasons best known to them. Most were never for love. If you doubt me, check within yourself or ask questions from couples who have had a divorce. If they are willing to be open to you, they will tell you they had one reason or the other and not majorly because of love.
With any of these reasons, divorce victims are willing to give the marriage a shot, and hope it works out fine, if not, they will call it off. Why so? Why go into something that is so divine, so beautiful, so everlasting, so true, so respectful and so productive and then, end up destroying it. It is like building a house and furnishing it, and then deserting the house without living in it to enjoy and take care of it. It is like tilling the ground to plant crops and then leaving it for weeds and pest to destroy them. You ended up not enjoying the fruits of your labor. Divorce is like any of these, but even much worse because lives of human beings are involved.
Yes, I know you are like; what do you know? Do you know what I have to put with everyday? I understand very well what you are going through, trust me. My point is; you should have considered all of these before going into the marriage. If you knew you were not ready to accept your spouse’s weaknesses in character, resources, status and personality, you should never have ventured into it in the first place. It is not a try to luck thing. Rather, it is a very serious, respectful, divine and an everlasting decision to make. Think seriously about it because when you eventually divorce, you will not be the one to bear the major consequences, your children will.
Your children will suffer for emotionally, financially, socially and psychologically. Unless you had no children before the divorce (Whether or not, it is still not advisable). Children are third-party in a marriage. They love both parent and have different degrees of connection with each of their parents. Children have this notion that they will always stay together, forever, as one family. Any deviation from this notion will certainly break, mar and disorient them. Whether you like or not, no matter how much effort you make to protect your children from bearing the burden of the negative effects of your divorce, be sure to know that their lives will be affected one way or the other. Their lives will change to a certain degree, which some may adjust to pretty well, while some may become thwarted while going through life.
Parents, it is pertinent for you to note that your divorce will certainly affect your children’s lives and ways of thinking, in many ways than you may imagine. Some of the negative effects of divorce on your children, according to evidences from various researches, are:
Feelings of Abandonment, Resentment and Anger
Most children whose parents divorce always have a feeling of being abandoned by either of their parents. They feel resentment and anger towards them for a very long time, especially if their custodial parent happens to marry another person. This feeling of anger and resentment will be extended to the step parent, mostly because they feel he or she was the reason for their parents’ divorce. This feelings will cause them to have an unforgiving spirit and to develop some act of disobedience and disrespect towards their step parent or even their custodian parent. Usually, this feeling last for many years or till death, if things are not sorted out.
Poor Performance in academics
Children from divorced homes are usually distracted in class, as they would most times become withdrawn and worry about the circumstances surrounding them while in class. They become distressed, feeling sad and uninterested in learning. This will cause them to perform poorly in their academics as some may have to repeat a class. Therefore, if you find that as divorced parent, your child’s academic performance has declined, you may consider that the child is distracted and distressed from your divorce.
Tendency to Engage in Delinquent Behaviors
Researches have revealed that most children from divorced homes, due to conflicts, beatings and battering their parents may have engaged in before and after divorce, and some of these conflicts may have also been meted out to the children, knowing or unknowingly. The children themselves may develop the tendency to engage in some delinquent behaviors of getting into trouble at school, fighting with friends and breaking the law. Children whose parents are going through a divorce procedure often find themselves to be sad angry with anyone that tries to come against them. Due to less attention paid to them by their parents, they begin to pay less attention to rules and regulations in school and the society. Some of the children may turn to drug abusers.
Reduction in Finances
During and after your divorce, your children will get less finances from you and they are no longer able to get enough money for their education, clothing and feeding. This is usually because the mom, who is most often the custodial parent, was probably a house wife before the divorce, and the finances from her income is not enough to take care of her children. Finances from the dad will certainly reduce or it may cease abruptly. This situation may cause the children to drop out of school or they may have to change to a less desired school. Some of the children who are badly hit by poverty as a result, may resort to stealing.
dissociation from friends and social activities
Children whose parents are divorced become angry, withdrawn and keep to themselves a lot. They becomes less confident of themselves, especially seeing that their friends are from loving, caring and united families. When their friends discuss about their parents and family lives, they have nothing to contribute and may feel shy and angry to contribute to the discussion. This causes them to become depressed and disassociate themselves from their friends and social life.
Emotional and Psychological Trauma
Some children may be badly affected to the extent that the divorce can leave them feeling insecure, demoralized, less confident of themselves, anxiety and depressed. They may develop a deep negative feeling about themselves. These feelings may stop when someone helps them understand what they are going through, but it can be extended if the step parent treats them badly,and if they continue to keep to themselves. Some incidences of suicide can be traced to a situation like this.
Lose connection with extended family Members
The children will lose connection with extended family members of non-custodial parent. Their relationship with grandparents, cousins, aunties, and uncles from the non-custodial parent will be broken and family traditions and values are not passed unto them.
There is no marriage that is a bed of roses. There are moments of ups and downs and sometimes you get a lot of differences and misdemeanor from your partner. Nevertheless, the wise thing to do is to find a way to solve your problems so you can stay married forever. There is no problem that can not be solved and where it seems that your partner will not change, find a way to tolerate and live with the situation. Divorce should never be an option in marriage. Think about the effects it will have on your children. At least, for the sake of your children who will suffer, tolerate and build peace in your home. If possible, meet a counselor to advice you and help you sort yourselves out. Solution to your marital problem will certainly come if you continually make an effort to solve it.