New relationship energy (NRE) can bring out a side of you that you’ve never seen. You can’t keep your hands off of your partner, you have mind-blowing sex every day, you’re practically insatiable. Their touch feels electric, and everything they do drives you crazy.
But as we all know, this honeymoon phase eventually wears off. As your lives intertwine, that initial fire gets dimmer. Sex can feel like a chore, become predictable, or may not happen at all.
However, this doesn’t have to happen. Great sex in a committed relationship requires intention, attention, and maybe a little innovation. And you know what? It’s worth it. So let’s explore the ways you can grow that desire stronger than ever.
1. Communicate With Your Partner
It should come as no surprise to you that actively communicating with your partner is the number one way to have better sex. Reading body language is an essential tool, but verbal communication is unparalleled. How else can you really know what your partner wants?
Of course, communicating during sex is vital for both consent and pleasure. Still, it can be intimidating to have raw, honest conversations while getting it on. Our suggestion? Chat before, during, after, and anytime!
Share intentions, boundaries, things that felt great, touches that weren’t so good, what you need more of, or anything else that comes up. And this goes beyond sexual acts too.
Let your partner know when you’re not in the mood and share thoughts that are weighing you down. If you have relationship kinks (pun not intended) to work out, you may be more focused on your problems than your pleasure. Sex is no fun when you’re mentally somewhere else.
2. Reduce Distractions
On the same note, it’s hard to be present when you’re thinking about your to-do list. So instead of fixating on all that needs to get done after sex, try completing your checklist before.
We get it — sometimes, those tasks are neverending. In that case, give yourself some leeway. Plan to finish up a couple of things before moving to the bedroom or allot time afterward so you can be in the zone while you get it on.
But to-do lists aren’t the only distractions. Make a pact to put those phones away, send the kids to their grandparents, or book a hotel room for a complete environment change.
3. Pay Attention
Non-verbal cues matter. A lot. Pay attention to how your partner physically responds to your touch. Pay attention to how much pressure on specific erogenous zones makes their toes curl and which of their favorite toy’s intensities makes them throw their head back in pleasure.
Take mental notes and remember for next time. One of the best parts of sex in long-term relationships is learning your partner’s body and what makes them moan.
4. Take Your Time
Great things take time, and sex isn’t exempt from that. Quickies can be fun and satisfying but likely won’t make the list of the all-time best sex. Slow it down instead. Tease and explore — draw out each touch, kiss, and lick.
Don’t rush things! Make your partner feel special, and let them work their magic on you. Eliminate the time constraints and expectations. Just be in the moment.
5. Keep Things Interesting
Boring, routine sex is the enemy of desire. But sometimes, when we get into relationships, we forget to switch things up. We often find a way that works and stick with it — until it doesn’t.
So embrace novelty. Whether that means adding in a toy, experimenting with bondage, or just taking sex outside the bedroom, give change a chance. It could be as simple as changing positions or as significant as intense kink play.
Remember, any time you’re trying something new to set boundaries and check in throughout. Of course, you won’t love everything — even if you thought you would — and that’s just part of learning your sexual selves.
6. Schedule Intimacy
Many of us live hectic lives. That doesn’t mean that sex is impossible! However, if sex is important to you but you keep putting it on the back-burner, that’s a problem.
So how do we remedy this? By prioritizing sex.
The thing is not everyone experiences spontaneous sexual desire. In fact, 25% of men and 85% of women do not. Essentially, these folks don’t get turned on out of nowhere — which is fine!
However, this can cause issues when busy partners try to schedule sex. Instead of pressuring yourselves to have sex, plan time for intimacy. Have a steamy makeout sesh, give each other sensual massages, or practice vulnerability through games like We’re Not Really Strangers. Even if these moments don’t lead to sex, setting aside time for intimacy is always productive.
7. Explore Fantasies
Let’s be honest: we all have fantasies. Your partner probably has some that they’ve never even told you about! That’s part of the struggle. It can be challenging to navigate conversations around boundaries. These chats can be awkward, or you may not know where to start.
Instead, use a tool to help guide you. For example, go through a sexual interests quiz like We Should Try It! with your partner or write red/yellow/green light lists and share them.
When you find something you both want to explore, do it! Start slow and take your time or dive in head-first if you’re both comfortable. And keep in mind that channeling fantasies doesn’t always mean doing the thing. Visualizing, talking about, or watching porn related to your fantasy may be enough to scratch that itch — for now, at least.
Part of the magic of relationships is learning your partner’s body, figuring out what makes their toes curl, and which touches make them moan. It’s easy to get stuck in a routine when you’re in a committed relationship, but sex doesn’t have to grow dull.
Instead, maintain strong communication, zone in, and switch things up to continue having great sex all throughout your relationship. Whether you’ve been together for three months or five years, your NRE can last a lifetime. It never has to get old!