Dear Diary…
Watching porn for the sole purpose of sexual education, is like watching John Wick as a guide on “How to Own a Pet”. Frankly, it’s a terrible idea. But, much like how we can glean some understanding into what it’s like to care for an animal from a movie largely about stylized revenge killing, we can also pick up some decent sex tips from porn. Particularly of the “female friendly” variety.
For a long time, society pretty much decided that chicks didn’t dig some streaming sexual acrobatics, that porn was a man’s thing. Made by men, consumed by men, and marketed to directly to anyone packing a penis.
In recent history however, it came to light that women actually watched porn too (Shock. Awe.), which immediately seemed to be followed by the question “why?”
Speaking as a woman who watches porn, it’s because– much like my male counterparts– I find pornography sexually stimulating. Yes, I– a women– like to watch people have sex on film because I find it sexually appealing. I know, it all sounds absolutely insane, but facts be facts, and by and large, women watch porn for all the same reasons that men do– it’s hot and works pretty great as a masturbatory aid.
Now, I certainly can’t speak for all women, and I definitely believe that sexuality is as individual as the individual living it, so what may be normal (or “hot” for that matter) for me might not be normal for someone else.
But something to be remembered before I dive into all the incredible things that female friendly porn taught me, is that porn is entertainment. It’s not actually a teaching tool.
It’s not real life, and if you’re genuinely expecting that hot delivery guy to bend you over the dishwasher that you can in no way afford (because who actually owns a dishwasher) and somehow give you the best screaming orgasm of your life purely by taking the pounding– prepare for disappointment, because what we see on screen isn’t actually anything we can expect in real life.
1. Foreplay Matters
Foreplay is something that I had to grow to understand, as well as grow to enjoy. Because I largely grew up in an age where streaming internet porn meant waiting 40 minutes for a picture to materialize, I didn’t actually get any of my sex tips from porn.
But– I still ending up having sex that was very similar to mainstream porn. Maybe it was the surge of post-pubescent hormones, maybe it was lack of disposable free time or fear of getting caught– but foreplay didn’t exist. I went straight to the main event every time.
As I matured a bit, sex became less of a destination and more of a wild exploration of my partners’, and my own, body. Which was the best thing to ever happen to my sex life, and in my opinion, the best thing that female friendly porn brings to the table.
2. Sexuality is Fluid
As a cis-gendered, hetero female, I watch a ton of bisexual and lesbian porn. In fact, a huge percentage of what’s considered “female friendly porn” is actually more concentrated on bisexual and lesbian encounters.
For me, there is nothing more beautiful than the female form. While I tend to be physically attracted to men, I am visually attracted to women. And this truth has fluctuated and coalesced over time.
The point here is that your porn preferences don’t necessarily label your sexuality– and vice-versa. Sexuality is also something that changes over time.
Porn is a truly incredible medium in this way, because it allows your mind to explore a number of different fantasies that your physical body might not actually be all that into.
3. My Vagina is Awesome
While other people’s vaginas don’t tend to spark my particular brand of joy, porn taught me that mine is incredible. Watching actors go down gave me a renewed confidence in being able to explore my own palace of pleasure.
It made me more cognizant of what I like, and of what might feel really good for me. Watching other women get head, be fondled, caressed, and penetrated gave me a more expansive idea of what my own vulva was capable of. Porn can help normalize bodies.
4. Beauty is Subjective
What I find beautiful, what you find beautiful, what the mainstream porn industry finds beautiful– these are all probably very different things. Which is a huge reason behind why there are literally millions of different porn genres.
Billions of bodies, of individuals, all with their own sense of beauty, and fantasy, and desire. Porn doesn’t get many things right, and it rarely gets them all correct at once, but what it does do is represent an entire constellation of things that are sexually provocative to an entire globe of people.
5. Lube and Condoms Are Pro-Status
Lube and condoms are as ubiquitous within the porn industry as dance challenges are on TikTok. More than that, they can be complete game changers when it comes to sexual prowess and capability.
While both lube and condoms can help prevent sexually transmitted diseases and keep your genitals in fighting shape, they tend to aid in the more functional aspects of getting down, too.
Condoms are produced to encourage a variety of sensations, for both penetrator and penetratee. And I am absolutely not just talking about penises of the flesh variety.
Sex toys should also get wrapped and lubbed prior to use. In fact– it’s not a bad idea to pop a condom and some motion lotion on just about anything you plan on sticking in yourself or sticking in anyone else.
