In continuation of the six elements that make people fall in love, we are going to take on “similar character, complementary needs” & “Equity” today. In the first part, we’ve discussed on the first impression as one of the 6 element that make people fall in love. In case you’ve not read it, you can click on this link to read it here; First Impression
2. Similar Character, Complementary Needs
In this part, you will want someone to love who is like you or almost like you. If you pass the first impressions test, you enter the second phase. Here your Quarry starts making judgments about you as a Potential Love Partner. His or her subconscious mind is saying, “I want someone like me. Well, almost like me.” If there is to be compatibility for a lifetime, or even for a date, some similarity is necessary. The way our heart is made up, allow us to find someone who has values like ours and beliefs very similar to ours and even the way we want our potential partner to be a kind of person who sees the world in more or less similar ways we too see the world. Similarity makes us feel good because it confirms the choices we have spent our whole lives making. We also look for people who enjoy the same activities so we can have fun together. Similarity is indeed a launch pad for a good relationship takeoff.
If we have no head for mathematics, who is going to balance the checkbook? If we are sloppy, who is going to pick up our socks? So we also look for complementary qualities in a long-term love partner. But not any complementary qualities only the ones we find interesting or that enhance our lives. Hence, we seek someone who is both similar and complementary.
The “What’s In It For Me” (WIIFM) Principle of Love
“Hey, baby, everybody’s got a market value! Everybody wears a price tag.” How pretty is she?
How much prestige does he have? How blue is her blood? How much power does he wield? Are they rich, intelligent, nice? What can they do for me?
Does this sound ugly? Researchers tell us love is not really blind. Everybody even the nicest people have a touch of crass when it comes to choosing a long-term partner. It’s no different than in the business world where everybody asks, What’s in it for me? I can hear some of you protesting, “No, love is pure and compassionate. It involves caring, altruism, communion, and selflessness. That’s what love is all about.” Yes, that’s what love is all about when good people are truly in love. You’ve probably even met couples who are deeply devoted and would sacrifice everything for each other. Yes, this kind of selfless love that we all dream of having exists. But it comes later much later. It comes only after you’ve made your partner fall in love with you.
If you want to make someone fall in love with you, researchers say, you must initially convince them they’re getting a good deal. We may not be conscious of it but, science tells us, tried and true market principles apply to love relationships. Lovers unconsciously calculate the other person’s comparable worth, the cost-benefit ratio of the relationship, the hidden costs, the maintenance fee, and the assumed depreciation. Then they ask themselves, “Is this the best offer I can get?” Everybody has a big scorecard locked away in their heart. And, in order to make people fall in love with you, you have to make them feel they’re getting a very good deal.