Love is not about better communication. It’s about connection– Patricia Love and Steven Stony
Men are right, but women are as well. The “relationship talk” isn’t always practical. You or your spouse may not have done anything wrong for your marriage to collapse. Even if you have the most excellent intentions, discussing your relationship may not necessarily bring you closer together. Instead, it could drive you apart.
Love isn’t about being able to communicate more effectively. It’s all about making connections. The most significant single reason for the rising divorce rate is the male-female divide. Eighty percent of divorced couples claim they “grew apart,” yet they aren’t separated because of lousy communication only. The Cdc estimates that 2.9 of 1000 people divorce.
Money, sex, jealousy, raising children, working too much, extended family, or in-laws are all topics that most couples fight over. What is underneath an argument has a higher chance of tearing you apart.
The marriage talk and marriage with your partner
The difference in how men and women deal with two unconscious emotions, fear and shame, explains this. The susceptibility of a woman to fear and anxiety causes her to come closer, while a man’s delicate sensitivity to humiliation and failure causes him to shrink away. This is why many married couples slip into the stereotypical roles of nagging women and stonewalling husbands and why marital improvement is impossible to achieve via words.
Let’s talk about marriage
Every marriage has issues. You will have marital problems whether you have been married one year or 40 years. Matrimonial matters may be very unpleasant, cutting deep and lasting a long time.
The agony inflicted by someone you love as much as your partner may be excruciating. Our partners should treat us in a certain way. Therefore, you accept abuse from others but not from the wife or husband.
But humans frequently think, feel, and act in ways that cause pain, even to people they love. So, no matter how much we care, imperfect individuals will occasionally harm one other. That’s a truth we must embrace.
Your marriage is not doomed because you are experiencing pains emotionally. Many people have been at this point in their committed relationship, and it will naturally continue to happen to others. The good news is, couples have been approaching this challenge with practical and romantic solutions.
The answer may not necessarily be in words; it could be the action take and the resources you use. The following could help rekindle the flame and maintain a healthy and successful marriage.
Consider your marriage vows again.
There is no doubt that marriage involves commitment and honest discussion. However, one of the reasons people seek help is because they disregard the vows they made on the wedding day. Many couples forget the promises they made on that day.
It may help to consider the high points of your vows by writing them down and reflecting on them. According to a psychotherapist, the vows are a lifelong or long term commitment. Therefore, you should be doing everything you said you’d do.
What’s your role in it- be honest
One of the hard things to do in life is to have honest conversations with yourself. Although it may seem hard, it is the best thing you can do, especially in your relationship with the other person. It takes two to tango.
Consider carefully how you treat your partner; is that how you want them to treat you? Did you stop giving them attention because of the kids? These are some of the vital marriage conversations you must have with yourself. When you see your role, you begin to consciously work on them without saying a word to your partner. Actions speak the loudest.
Picture the kind of marriage you want
When people want to get married, chances are, they have an idea or ideas of how they want things to turn out. However, as the family grows, it becomes easier to forget these things. Therefore, it is best to consider reflecting on the positive picture of how they want their marriage to look. This involves forming positive mental images by taking advantage of positive thinking.
Build a new interest in your marriage
A common reason for the “marriage conversation or talk” is that people get lost after their marriage. Why? They focus on themselves and get into the ‘I,’ ‘myself’ mentality. According to a 2014 study, individualism can affect interpersonal relationships adversely.
Therefore, building a new interest in something that you and your partner can do together could help. That way, your focus is not on yourself alone but them, and that speaks volumes.
This could be in terms of your finances. Luckily, there are software applications that could help. The Vertex42 review shows an ideal money management overview, it could be worth the effort.
Learn intimacy all over again
Getting married to the love of your life is not the end of the road. Of course, it is a great thing, but intimacy is an integral part of it. After years of marriage, the intimacy in your marriage with your partner may be down. There are several external reasons for this; having kids, health conditions, sleeping issues, medication side effects, stress, and more.
According to the experts, lack of intimacy is typical, and it is almost always a tricky topic to discuss. So, rather than make things awkward, you can communicate with your partner through personal contact. Consider using physical touches, hugs, embraces.
These simple acts can bring you to the next step without saying a word or having a marriage conversation. While this may take commitment, it may help your future with your spouse. So, keep at it and don’t make it superficial.
Spend time together
There are so many ways to stay connected with your partner without talking about it. Giving them your time is one of them. Couples tend to get used to taking each other for granted, so their relationship goes sour, bringing with it pain and disappointment.
If you think the kids and the family are taking more of your time, find a way to keep them engaged. For example, arrange for them to spend the weekend with a relative so that you can stay at home and bond with your partner.
Also, learn to stay off your electronic gadgets and be present at the moment with them. That action is personal and gives their feelings a boost. If you love an everyday activity, arrange to do it together. These actions rekindle feelings and can save your marriage.
Sure, marriage with your partner will come with its challenges, but it is not the end of the world. Fixing a marriage does not mean talking about marriage because you can work it out without counseling or the famous ‘talk.’ If you want to get married and stay that way, taking a serious look at yourself may be what you need to do from time to time.