If I were to encounter a genie who could grant me wishes, my very first wish would be to revolutionize school education by incorporating comprehensive dating and relationship skills into school curricula. As my second wish, I’d make the process of acquiring mastery in love and relationships a normalized and widely practiced endeavor.
There is a lot of frustration and confusion in the dating world, and unfortunately, there often seems to be a prevailing conflict between the genders. Social media posts and comment threads on love and dating frequently portray a divide & separation, with women and men seemingly blaming each other for a lacking dating life. Regrettably, this adversarial approach only exacerbates the current loneliness epidemic.
Surprisingly, the statistics reveal more single and lonely men than women. Many single men find themselves in this situation either due to their lack of knowledge about finding love or due to past painful experiences that have left them hesitant to try again.
Why do we approach love, believing it should occur effortlessly, as if by chance? The romantic scenes depicted in movies and social media tend to perpetuate the idea that love simply falls into place. Yet, this narrative often fails to capture the reality of relationships and their inherent challenges. The truth is, when we are adults and ready to date and look for a relationship, we are left unequipped to navigate this essential aspect of our lives. We’re often left to our own devices when it comes to developing healthy and meaningful connections.
Think back to your school days, perhaps in middle school, when you had a crush on someone. You mustered the courage to express your interest, only to face the possibility of rejection or embarrassment. Memories of such experiences can linger and influence our behavior even years later. The fear of past rejection might resurface when you encounter someone you’re interested in, causing your inner 13-year-old self to caution against taking action.
So, what’s the right approach?
Consider how we prioritize physical fitness. We work out regularly to maintain our physical well-being, setting goals to feel confident and healthy. Similarly, if we approached our dating lives with the same intentionality and dedication, we could cultivate our social confidence through a ritual of repeated actions.
Here are steps you can take to enhance your dating and relationship skills and create more fulfilling connections with women:
1. Cultivate an Abundance Mindset: Shift from scarcity to abundance in your thinking. Understand that plenty of potential connections are out there, and adopting this mindset increases your chances of success.
2. Gradual Build-Up: Just as you wouldn’t lift heavy weights without building muscle strength, start by sparking conversations with anyone, not just women you’re interested in. Gradually develop your social muscles by initiating chats with various people in different settings, cashiers at supermarkets, postmen, delivery persons… anyone really, smile and say something.
3. Attend Facilitated Social Events: Seek out social events facilitated by hosts to practice interacting with new people in a less stressful environment. Platforms like Meetup.com offer numerous social gatherings.
4. Intentional Observing: Learn by observing interactions at social events. Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and other cues to improve your own social confidence. Only 7% is verbal communication, and 93% of communication is non-verbal. Pay attention.
5. Listening Skills: Show genuine interest by actively listening to others. This is particularly important with women, as feeling heard and understood forms the basis of strong connections. Listen to hear, not jump in with your own interpretation or opinion, and don’t interrupt. After they are done talking, give a quick summary back to them of what you heard to let them know you really listened.
6. Detach from Outcome: Reduce stress by focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Shift your mindset from worrying about rejection to discovering compatibility. The more you do it, the easier it gets. This is your filtering system – you don’t want a connection with just any woman, you want to find your match, and by filtering, you get closer to it. Her reaction is not a judgment on who you are personally. Your self-worth doesn’t depend on whether she talks to you or not.
7. Approach with Confidence: Your newfound social confidence will make these interactions more natural and enjoyable. Scan the environment, and find something you can talk to her about.
For instance, if you are at a social gathering which you both have been invited to, ask her how she knows the host. If you see her in the grocery store and she has stuff in her shopping cart as you pass by, say with a smile ‘looks like you are cooking for two, am I invited?’, if you are in line in a coffee shop, ask her if she can recommend something bc you can’t decide what to get… Keep it casual and light; you only want to see if she reciprocates. And if she doesn’t, she is not your match, and you move on to the next opportunity.
Your goal is to make her feel comfortable. A smile goes a long way!
Remember, confidence is the # 1 aphrodisiac for a woman. As you refine your social confidence, you’ll find it easier to make meaningful connections with women, ultimately leading you closer to finding a compatible match.
Author Bio: Irena is a certified dating and relationship coach, with extensive experience and education, committed to equip men with tools and techniques, to gain dating confidence, and establish fulfilling connections leading to lasting relationships. While there may not be a shortcut to rewarding relationships, she will provide you with the roadmap for you to get there.
www.lovedandfulfilled.com
