Sibling relationships can be complicated. Brothers and sisters often argue and fight, but they also deeply care about each other. Understanding common causes of sibling conflicts can help you and your siblings, your children and foster children get along better.
1. Competition for Attention and Approval
It’s natural for siblings to compete for their parents’ attention and approval. Children want to feel valued and may act out to get noticed. Make each child feel seen and appreciated for their unique talents and interests. Avoid comparisons and make time for one-on-one activities.
2. Different Personalities and Preferences
Every child has their own personality and preferences. These differences can lead to clashes, like a tidy child arguing with their messy sibling. Respect each child’s individuality. Refrain from labels like “the smart one” or “the athletic one” which can breed resentment. Celebrate diversity. This applies when you are fostering siblings too, as no two children are alike.
3. Uneven Treatment
Kids are observant and aware if parents treat children differently. Resentment builds if one child seems to get special privileges or is held to lower expectations. Strive for equitable treatment and explain when and why a situation requires accommodating a specific need.
4. Struggles Sharing Toys and Space
Sharing toys, clothes, bathrooms and bedrooms is part of cohabitating. Kids still need to feel like they have ownership over their possessions and space. Set clear rules about borrowing items and provide private spaces for each child when possible. Note that each foster child you care for needs their own bedroom.
5. Stress and Fatigue
Tired, hungry kids are often cranky kids. Stress at school or activities can also lead to short fuses at home. Ensure kids get adequate sleep, healthy food and downtime. Teach children how to recognise and communicate their feelings and needs constructively.
6. Different Ages and Developmental Stages
Younger children may resent perceived favouritism toward older siblings who get to stay up later or do more activities. Older kids may become impatient with younger siblings’ immaturity. Understand age-related needs and abilities. Involve all children in some joint decisions.
7. Clashing Friend Groups
As kids grow, their circle of friends often differs from their siblings’. Peer influence and wanting to assert independence can stoke disagreements. Respect each child’s friendships while promoting bonds as a family unit through traditions and quality time.
Smoothing Things Over
- Allow siblings space to work through minor arguments independently, but intervene if name-calling or physical aggression occurs.
- Be understanding if tensions flare during difficult times like moving, family illness or parents’ separation.
- Encourage open communication and perspective taking. (“How would you feel if…?)
- Praise cooperation and resolution. (“I’m proud of how you two shared and stayed calm.”)
- Limit comparisons and make each child feel valued for who they are.
- Encourage teamwork on household tasks or interests to promote bonding.
- Seek counselling if disputes become ongoing or extreme.
Arguments are normal between siblings. With empathy, communication and equal treatment, parents can help guide children through petty fights to become lifelong confidantes.
