Raising children together is one of the most rewarding parts of a relationship. However, it also places new demands on couples that can strain even the strongest bonds if not managed properly. Maintaining intimacy, communication, and fairness in a relationship with young children running around is tricky, but very possible with some thoughtful effort.
Make Time for Your Partner
The most common complaint from couples with children is lack of one-on-one adult time together. With young kids demanding so much care and attention, parents often have little energy left to invest in each other by the end of the day.
Making your partner a priority sometimes means pushing yourself when you’d rather collapse on the sofa. But scheduling regular date nights, even if they are low-key nights in after the kids go to bed, makes a big difference. Don’t underestimate simple things like cuddling in bed talking instead of immediately going to sleep. Finding ways to be a couple rather than just parents is essential. This applies whether you are fostering or these are your birth children.
Stay Connected Through Communication
Communication often suffers when stressed parents have to focus so much on the day-to-day tasks of childcare. It’s important to make the effort to talk about things besides the kids’ schedules, activities, and needs. Set aside time for deeper conversations about your feelings, interests, and goals as individuals and as a couple. Working through disagreements quickly and respectfully avoids holding grudges. Most importantly, speak up when your needs aren’t being met so problems don’t fester.
Share Parenting Duties Fairly
Resentment and anger easily build when one partner feels overwhelmed by an unequal division of parenting work. However, both mums and dads often feel they get stuck doing more. Be open to re-evaluating who does what in your household, avoiding relying on gender stereotypes. Recognise each of your strengths and weaknesses, then divide chores accordingly.
For example, if one parent handles mornings better, the other can take over bedtime routines. If you both work, share duties equally when at home. Regardless of financial contributions, parenting itself is still a joint responsibility. Consistently pulling your weight makes your partner feel respected.
Stay Intimate Through Affection and Sex
Intimacy often diminishes because tired parents feel worn out or struggle to feel sexy after dealing with tantrums. However, physical intimacy strengthens emotional bonds between partners. Remember intimacy encompasses a wide spectrum of touching and affection. Simple acts like hugging, kissing, and holding hands require little time and energy but feel nurturing. Prioritise couple time, connecting in bed as often as realistically possible, even if you don’t actually have sex every time. Go to bed together when you can. Flirt and build sexual tension throughout hectic days. Appreciate and admire each other as romantic partners, not just co-parents.
Don’t Lose Your Individual Identities
Couples often lose sight of who they are as individuals in their quest to become perfect parents. However, children benefit from parents who maintain their own interests, social connections, and passions. Keep nurturing all facets of your identity beyond parenthood through hobbies, friendships, and career goals. Be willing to sometimes hire babysitters so you can do things independently, not just as a couple.
When you’re genuinely happy and fulfilled, you’re in a better headspace to be fully present with your kids too. Your relationship will benefit from supporting each other in pursuing your own dreams.
Making regular time for each other as partners and following these tips will help your relationship to continue flourishing.
