The Key To Your Relationship Success Is Understanding And Not Agreement
What do I mean by understanding here? Understanding in this perspective is not about comprehending or grabbing your partner’s point of view, but rather, it is your ability to put yourself into your partner’s shoe and feel exactly how it feel being in that shoe.
When you agree with your partner about issues that you’re having an opposing view, even though, you still hold on to your perspective on the issue, your agreement in most time in this situation is based on irreconcilable differences.
But when you have an understanding on the opposing view with your partner, through your understanding in this perspective, the irreconcilable difference will be reconciled. This is because, you’ve put yourself into your partner’s shoe, you have the right mindset in seeing what your partner saw, and you view it with validation, respect and support.
Before you can have this understanding, you must have thought about how your partner arrived genuinely at this condition. Such thought will have to take into cognizance your partner’s experience from his or her background, religion and formal and informal educational upbringing.
Nothing is more powerful in your relationship than your understanding of your partner, although your integrity may not want to let go of your view on issues, but there’s nothing stopping you to see things from your partner’s perspective in a sincere and authentic standpoint.
The desire to feel understood is everyone’s dream in a relationship and it’s natural for without it, we feel alienated. We all want reassurance especially coming from our partner in relationship. Almost all of us depend on some sort of external validation to feel truly comfortable in the world.
There’s bound to be disagreement in your relationship, without which the relationship can never move forward. This is because any relationship that disagreement never happen is just a kind of co-dependent relationship where each person operate insincerely, it is a union that will leave both partner at one point feeling frustrated because they misunderstood each other in the relationship
Logically, disagreement in a relationship seems to be a kind of mini-rejection and a threat to our emotions and feelings, in fact, it is a disapproval of our partner to our point of view. Unless we begin to have an understanding of how our partner come to conclusion and holding strong to their view, we will continue in virtuous circle without getting fulfillment in the relationship.
To put an end to this virtuous circle, one partner needs to have an understanding of what the other person’s view. And if both partners understand the other person point of view as legitimate, this will lead the partners to experience the external validity that’s needed in other to feel comfortable in the relationship, knowing fully well that, their partner support their point of view and this is very important in other to achieve a fulfilling and happy relationship.
So, the key to your relationship success is in the understanding, even when you have a clash in your standpoint, it will not lead to a clash in your relationship and marriage.