‘Honey, hurry up. I made a special breakfast for you today. You must eat everything before going to work.’
‘Honey’ walks in. All dressed up in a power suit ready to be the boss at work somewhere downtown and says,
‘Hmmmm… That smells delicious. But I am already late. Can you just make me a cup of coffee? Please?’
‘Why are you always like this every morning. I put a lot of effort into making breakfast for you each day but you never eat. ‘
‘I am so sorry. I’ ll make it up to you when I get back. Promise. And honey, I left money on the dresser for your trip to the mall today. We’ll go out for dinner when I get back. So don’t cook anything. ‘
‘Okay. Bye. Love you’
‘Love you too.’
This normal scene plays out in millions of homes around the world each morning. That is, if the petulant ‘honey’ that made delicious breakfast is a woman. The honey in this scenario is a man.
The first is married to a friend’s sister. He lost his bank job some years ago and has being unable to to get work elsewhere. Everyday, if he is not rushing out to grab at his wife’s bag to look for money when she she returns from work, he is complaining bitterly about how nobody respects him anymore.
This man spends most days at home calling his friends to loan him money. His pride just won’t allow him to ask his wife for money daily. I seriously feel him.
There are films like ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting‘ starring Chris Rock and some bunch of dudes that try to glamorize the stay at home man or dad. It is one huge, big, farce.
Stay at Home Man vs Work from Home Man
The distinction between the two should be very clear and obvious. One works. The other is jobless.Thing is, a stay at home man is a modern day creation. The liberalization of the traditional social structure means that more and more women can earn as much money as men from work.
However, the society still trains the boy child from to think of himself as the future provider of the home. Throughout his life, this male kid is taught to believe he has to take care of a future wife and family. Not the other way round.
That is why it is always impossible to a man to play the stay at home man role successfully. Unless he is wired at the DNA level like a woman.
A lifetime of core values cannot be changed with just a snap of a finger. Any wonder men in that position tend to act out in mean ways against their wives and kids?
The psychological toll on them from having to suppress their natural instincts can be too much to handle. Fact is, a stay at home man is looked down upon by the society. Sometimes, even the wife’s well intentioned acts can be misconstrued by the man as insulting and disrespectful.
Simply put, a man is programmed to work and take care of his wife and family. And a woman is likewise programmed to expect that from a man.
Candid Advice for the Stay at Home Man
But on the issue of the stay at home man, that is a line I just can’t cross. I know reasons like finances and or a serious handicap can force that aberration on a man; but I just can’t get my head around it. I am a traditionalists in that respect.
So my advice is very simple and straightforward
- Get out of the house and look for a job. Never come back until you find one
- Never get married until you have a job. Don’t listen to her sexy voice telling you its okay for her to support the family.
I hope all stay at home men reading this are not readying their pitchforks and whatnot to lynch me. Instead of resorting to extreme measures to drive home your point, use the comments section here or on Facebook. Our excellent Twitter handle is also a good place to vent.