I know quite a number of men who hate the idea of being a gentleman; a modern day gentleman or old school gentleman is the same thing to them. The idea is simply repugnant to them.
I can understand where they are coming from. We live in an age where being a gentleman is most times equated to being too nice. And we know how the ladies and other people love taking advantage of nice guys.
Some years ago, I made the decision to stop being a gentleman. I mean, a check on my life up to that point showed that my reward for spending a lifetime being nice was nothing. Or so I thought.
Basically, what did I gain that the bad boy next door did not get by simply being a proud jerk. The way I saw it, he seemed to be enjoying the best of many worlds.
However, that promise to stop a being gentleman did not last long. I reverted back to what I am comfortable with. That seemed like the path of least resistance for me going forward in life.
What I discovered was this: you just can’t wish away a lifetime of good behavior easily. Your natural instincts would always kick in and expose you for what you are.
In my own case, my instincts was to be nice to everybody no matter who: especially to strangers and ladies. I guess my parents did a good job on me.
But we are talking a modern day gentleman here not the good habits you picked up while growing up. Though the two can sometimes be the same thing.
The classical gentleman or old school gentleman is the sort who would always tip his hat to ladies, kiss their arms in greetings and so on.
There is nothing bad in that. But how many a modern day gentlemen hardly wear hats? And the ladies don’t expect men to kiss their hands these days. It is so outdated.
So to be a modern day gentleman, one has to work with the times. Now I need to repeat this point, a modern day gentleman does not invariably mean a nice guy.
Seriously, you can be one without being the other. They are two mutually exclusive character traits.
To be a modern day gentleman is something that has to be learned deliberately. It is learned lifestyle that ultimately makes you into the sort of person that gets along with everybody no matter the class or age.
So, this is my guide to becoming a modern day gentleman
Work on yourself
First of all, you need to take care of your image. Let’s just say your personal PR machinery must be in full gear to make ‘you’ a good brand.
So these are the things you must do
Now, if you have an unpleasant body odor. Perfumes or deodorants are a must for you. If you are not sure, ask an honest and blunt friend to tell you if your body odor is bad.
To be on the safe side though, just get some nice smelling body sprays whether you think you have a body odor or not.
2. Don’t do things in public that are offensive. For instance, spitting publicly or poking a finger inside your nose to clean it are not nice.
I am sure you can think of other actions some guys do publicly that are offensive.
3. Be polite in conversation with other people. If you want to know what polite is not, watch the way hardcore rappers talk about women and other people’s family. That is not polite.
Basically, stop using abusive words and language when talking about others.
4. Finally, do avoid fighting no matter what. Just walk away from the scene if you notice a situation involving you is escalating to a point where you’d have to come to blows.
Yeah, you might be labelled chicken, but who says becoming a modern day gentleman doesn’t require sacrifices.
Modern day gentleman respects women and others
The foundation of being a modern day gentleman was also the cornerstone of how classical gentleman were defined: by the way they treated women.
It is expected that you should give up your seat for a woman, open doors for them, stand up when they come into a room and similar stuff like that.
However, a modern day gentleman might be labeled a chauvinist by some ladies if he goes too far. So it’s better you don’t impose you good manners on ladies who insist on being treated equally like men.
This respect should not be restricted to women though. Men and children should also be treated with the utmost respect by you.
Charity begins at home. Or in this case, charity must be completely extended to your significant other.
Your partner must feel the full impact of your attempts to be a modern day gentleman or else you’d be labelled a fraud by those who know you personally.
So to the love of your life,
1. You must be selfless and show her you got her back anytime
2. Treat her nice in unusual and unexpected ways; for instance you can surprise her with unexpected gifts from time to time.
3. Never lose an opportunity to show her affection no matter the situation or how busy you think you are.
4. Never say something bad about her to your friends or colleagues. That is the least she deserves for being your partner.
As a modern day gentleman, you may mess up from time to time, but never ever carry negative tales about your love. Ever.
There are so many other things you need to do to be a gentleman. Perhaps, looking at the above guide may seem daunting.
But I assure you, a lifetime of doing these things has made it instinctive to many guys. They do them effortlessly.
If you are not a gentleman, starting now by following these guides would not be too late. Bit by bit, you’d get it right.
What do you hope to gain from doing all that? How about being a role model for children and your kids in the future if you don’t have one now?
Let’s hear your thoughts on these issue. Feel free to pen your opinions in the comments box below.