If you have as many friends as I do, it is normal to sometimes feel suffocated by the barrage of advice from them. They are well-meaning advice most of the time, but they can also destroy your love life if you don’t know how to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Most times, the best relationship advice is from old folks who have done it and seen it all. But because young people are so fixated in their trendy lives, they hardly ever get the benefits of that well of wisdom that is our parents and grandparents.
Because we missed the boat, we go into relationships smug with the useless tips and advice we get from our peers. It is that smugness that can easily destroy your love life.
You’d find yourself shocked like a fresh recruit walking dazed around the debris of a town leveled by war. That metaphor could be you shocked at the shambles your love life has become when you thought you were well equipped to handle anything.
That is the cute ting about inexperience; you dash headlong into a situation hoping your enthusiasm would help you scale any hurdle. In relationships though, the most innocuous things can add up to destroy your love life.
What are these wrong relationships tip that can destroy your love life? Surprisingly, most of them are very common.
Love makes you complete
This advice is encapsulated in wedding rituals when somebody spouts the inane ‘1+1=1,’ which is another way of saying your partner has completed you. It is romantic. But it is a minefield advice that could explode and destroy your love life.
As a person, no matter what you hear about love, always go into it with the mindset you are a separate individual trying to make a life with a different, complicated, complete person.
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Never go relationship thinking you need it to feel complete as a person.
You become blind to others
Look around you. The people who had had broken hearts before also believed once they fall in love, they become blind to how attractive others are. It is false.
One cause of cheating that can ultimately destroy your love life is simply you or your partner found somebody else very attractive. You don’t suddenly shut others because you are in love.
Staying faithful to your partner actually requires hard work and vigilance.
You have to be together always to make it work
There is really something as suffocating your partner with too much love. Or too much attention.
Some friends would tell you with a straight face that you have to be with your partner as much as possible to make it work. Listen, even if you are married, doing that shows you have trust issues.
Besides, your partner needs to be alone to figure out their own lives you know. Everybody need their space not to go crazy. So if you don’t want to destroy your love life, give each other space from time to time.
Total, complete love would never destroy your love life
Loving somebody unconditionally should be an end in itself. You don’t do it because you hope the pay back is a perfect love life.
Unfortunately, life is never that straightforward. Things happen, people change. Loving someone totally doesn’t rule out the fact something could come up in the future to throw a spanner in your perfect love life.
For instance, your partner could decide one day they need to take their lives in a direction that doesn’t appeal to you. Hoping that love would make them change their minds is like shooting at the moon with a toy gun if they have already made up their minds to follow a certain path.
Perfect love is written in the stars
Implicit in that is the fact that when you find real love everything falls into place. Which is another way of saying when you find perfect love, you don’t have to do anything to live the life.
Nothing can be further from the truth. Relationships involve very committed, consistent hard work to make them work. Some people get drained by the work involved because they were ill-prepared or ill-advised.
Kids would make a difference
Seriously I hate it when people think having kids would make their relationships thrive. It is criminal to bring a child into a toxic affair. It damages the child in many ways.
Besides, a kid in the mix would actually complicate things for both parties. Face your problems squarely and never pin your hopes on a hapless child.
Love doesn’t require change
I promise you’ll get that a lot from well-meaning friends that you don’t need to change; that you can remain the way you were and still make a complete success of your relationship.
Fact is, you have to change to make it in love. The change is not just small, it is big. And all through the duration of the affair you have to keep making changes and compromises.
You have no choice if you don’t want to destroy your love life. One of the cornerstones of relationships is the ability to constantly make allowances for the quirks in your partner. Of course, you partner would do same for you too.
Like I said earlier, going into love with wrong notions is one sure way to destroy your love life in future. Ask your parents or some old couples you know how they managed to keep it together for so long.
What they tell you should be your gospel on how not to destroy your love life.