5 Ways To A Real-ationship
Everybody longs for that kind of relationship that stays in spite of everyday drama it entails. Keeping a relationship real is like investing in a bank.
It means being able to wait for a good return by taking enough risks. While most girls look for fun and excitement, mature women crave for something more solid.
Here are really simple ways to finally get to the road of real relationships, one that is both bumpy and smooth.
1. Take the road to maturity and stay there.
Love is sweeter the second time around. I don’t mean that you need to break up first before you get everything sweeter and lovelier and happier. Like any other, love goes through ups and downs.
It is not unusual being “on the rocks”. There will be all kinds of arguments—“Why the hell didn’t you call me?” “Just who is that mystery Gym Buddy that calls every 12:05 midnight?!” “C’mon, that wasn’t me!” “Oh please don’t even start!”
These are just some of the common issues every couple has to deal with in the relationship. Trust issues, money issues and what-have-you issues. All these also pose potential threats even to the most harmonious of relationships.
Truth be told, love is more than flowers and chocolates and presents. True love is one that cuts and wounds and mends. It is the ointment that dries up the wound and seals it forever.
It is the gas that fuels the engine despite the bumpy road. Each bumpy road is a chance for a second time around. Do not be carried away. If the relationship seems to be falling apart, hold on tighter. While friends say, let go, I say, hold on.
As the adage goes, “there is always a rainbow after the storm. “ In a real mature relationship, the biting reality is that you can’t always have it your way. Be mature. Keep the communication open.
You will be surprised to find that you are not the only one who is confronting issues. This will allow you to face your demons together. And when you do, love will come even sweeter for the both of you.
2. Give up your fairy tale fantasies—for crying out loud, they are TALES.
In case you are still trapped in your mighty tower of happily-ever-after, girl, wake up.
Oftentimes, a happily-ever-after means turning your back from silly wishful fantasies of a knight-in-shining armour and dealing with Mr. Not-Always-Dashing-Nerdy kind of guy in the neighborhood.
For all you know, he might turn out to be just the one. Stop acting like a damsel, beautiful but helpless, charming but defenseless. Give that guy a chance. He may not bear any bit of semblance with Benedict Cumberbatch but it’s alright.
Looks fade, character improves. If you want a shot for a steady and serious kind of relationship, go for character. This brings you closer to the real deal of relationships—one that is made of realistic choices, strengthened by genuine commitment and nurtured by constant affection.
Mr. Not-Always-Dashing-Nerdy kind of guy just might be your chance for true and everlasting happiness.
3. Choose to stay-in-love.
Honore Balzac once said that “Love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the same complaint the second time.” Before this looks like a mushy roll of quotes about love, let me tell you that this is how love works in reality.
Most couples stay-in-love not because the road that they took is all even and paved and smooth. Staying together is an option made by people who have grown mature through time.
After all, maturity isn’t about age. It is more about understanding each other’s shortcomings and deciding to accept them, talks about them, addresses them, together.
It is a conscious effort that couples try to inject in the relationship in order to keep the same kind of complaints from happening. Younger couples tend to be easily carried away by petty fights and small indifferences.
It is all part of a wonderful process. The road to maturity after all is being able to take-in some kind of toxin and curing it with the best antidote that is love.
4. Give. Take. Give AND Take.
Most couples who are lucky to get to their 70th wedding anniversary always have this to say to younger couples. As easy it may sound, it’s as hard as it is do for some couple.
There will always be one in the relationship who wishes to receive and one who would be willing to give. If both are perfectly okay with it, then there is no problem. But the world spins on its axis 24/7 and it somehow crazily affects the way we think.
I mean, there will be times when tables will be turned and the one who receives now has to be the one who gives. When this happens, both must be willing and ready to reverse giver and receiver roles.
That is when one is mad, the other has to be willing to own up to the misunderstanding and make up. Argue then make amends. There is no hard and fast rule to giving and taking. You can give and give and he can give and give and give to his heart’s desire.
5. Do not hesitate to say sorry.
Some may say that love is not having to say you are sorry. But that is also good as far as the movies go. Saying sorry means that you take your partner’s feelings as importantly as you would want him to consider yours.
This is as much an indication of maturity as giving and taking. But of course, avoid saying sorry for the same reasons. That is another story altogether.
You won’t always find someone who will be willing to put up with your drama all the time. So while you have a chance at it, say sorry. And most of all show that you mean it.
Elizabeth Davis is a well known and respected relationship adviser. Visit her website RelationshipsAdvice.co where she offers free, no-holds-barred counselling, friendship and support to anyone experiencing difficulties in their relationship. You can also get in touch with Liz on her Facebook Fanpage.